i got home late, and m had made food. i brought her her favorite juice from the airport. we listened to the radio while we ate.
in the morning, i told her a bad memory i'd uncovered the day before. now we're resting and reading ... i feel sick from the trip. we're still listening to the radio.
it rained and hailed so hard this afternoon! the park flooded. our cat got scared by the noise.
i think i might get really into xiu xiu now.
so my visit ended early with me walking around brooklyn and finally getting something to eat after emptying a fridge full of rotten food all afternoon and fighting with my sister that evening. i did a bad job trying to talk to her, and i know i did a bad job. i really hope she can make changes just to "spite me." it would all be worth it then.
i am excited for her to have a kid. i want them to have it so much better than any of us did. but they won't be mine, so it's not my place.
my sister makes almost $90,000 a year and eats rotten food. she lives in a squat and faces eviction. she pays $1600 a month in credit card interest. she doesn't want to buy a crib or a stroller or a lot of baby stuff because it's ugly.
i asked her to move in with us, whether in brooklyn or bogotá.
i sobbed to m on the phone after. i took the trains back to newark and got on the next flight home.
you know what, i think i can deal with this. i mean, i kinda have to.
it felt good, anyway, to go out not so bundled up.
the morning was cool, and we walked my sister's dog through the park and then said goodbye at her subway station.
i wore a thin gray shirt that m bought me.
this might be a good place to get used to the world again
the woman at the check-in desk thought i was a girl ...
until i handed her my passport.
it helps i'm wearing a mask.
my mom always told me i'd never grow facial hair because of
... "my blood" ... (god, who raised me?) ...
but that wasn't true.
it just took its time.
i still had hardly any well into my twenties.
whenever i'd shave my grandfather's beard, after he got sick,
he'd say how lucky i was to not have to worry about that myself.
m's nice and says i shouldn't give the mask too much credit.
11:20 AM "you have been selected for a special security screening"
a dude touched my boobs behind a partition.
i'm tired. no one makes me feel pretty except m.
everyone makes me feel weird except m.
i haaaate packing.
i kinda haaaate traveling.
i'm bringing two dresses.
two more stories left in another casey plett book.
my cat is a beautiful creature, and i hope he never dies.
the skin on my upper lip and chin feels smoother, i don't know.
i bought two bras to be delivered to my sister's apartment while i'm there in new york.
while we're walking home from the store, i hear a lot of men talking or singing to themselves as they fly by on their bikes.
today, i was looking through old pictures from my dead brother-in-law's harddrives.
we've moved the low wooden table into m's room, and we sit around it on cushions all day long. then we push it against the wall at night and lay the beds down beside it.
i don't know how i'll go a week without her.
i'm nervous!!!
edit: it went great! did my first session today. the doctor asked me if i was on hormones, and i was like, no (gut reaction), ehh ... sí .... sí
for a girl who takes as many pills as i do, i sure am bad at taking pills.
tomorrow, i'm going in for a consult appointment at a laser hair removal clinic. for my face.
worried about money as usual.